For many men, their self-improvement journey starts in their 20’s. Most have raging hormones and want to improve their dating life. Self-improvement is also usually pursued after one has experienced some sort of emotional trauma or depression and lack in their life.
I know my journey started at about 22 after my second girlfriend cheated on me. I have had some success with women previously a few one nights and flings, I lost my virginity at 18 – but to be honest, the hookups were by chance, I didn’t have any conscious clue of what I was doing.
If I could go back in time – I would tell my younger self not to chase women all the way up to my early 30’s. But he wouldn’t listen to me. The intimacy, the variety of women, the validation, the high of having a cute girl in your bed is way too powerful for any young man to handle. Especially if this an area in your life that you have been struggling with.
I have recognized this as a common pattern among men in self-development. The 20’s are dedicated to pick-up and social skills. The 30’s and later dedicated to increasing their income, starting a business, developing the financial aspect of their life – working towards a early retirement, etc.
Well, I want you to know, that you should focus on the latter even in your early 20’s. Don’t worry too much on the dating side of your life, women will come to you as a side effect if you are – working towards a personal mission, building a business, developing other areas of your character.
I know of a guy in his mid-30s that still goes out the weekend after weekend. Often hooking up with 8’s and 9’s. He is a balding skinny looking guy with plain clothes yet he gets better results than anyone I had seen before.
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He was clearly out to meet women and I struck up a conversation with him. After getting to know him better he opened up and told me he didn’t lose his virginity until he was 24 – this was clearly a black hole in his life still haunting him.
Our conversations revealed to me that this was all he had going for him. He wasn’t building a business, he had a regular 9-5 job where he was making your average salary, he didn’t have a skill set beyond picking up chicks. After closer inspection, he started to look like a trainwreck to me.
It was sad, and I am willing to bet that he will sooner or later he will want to develop other areas of his life. But at what age, his 40’s? You do not want to end up as a one-trick pony in your life. Do not let your insecurities take over. There is so much out there waiting for you beyond pick-up.
And the best part is you won’t really sacrifice anything, you will still get the hottest women. Start contemplating your personal mission in your early 20’s and have a headstart. You could be the man in your 30’s and still have youth left in you.
Until next time – Bogdan