Negativity Is The Default
The sad truth about humanity is most of us carry negative thoughts and emotions throughout our days, months, years, and lifetimes. Sure we might experience a few thrills and excitement but not nearly enough. There are studies revealing numbers like 80% of our thoughts are negative – 95% of those are repetitive. This basically puts most of us in the anxiety disorder bracket. That’s pretty serious if you ask me.
From personal experience, I know I used to carry around small amounts of anxiety concerning even the most mundane things; did I buy enough groceries, how are tomorrow’s tasks going to be done, I need to clean the apartment, etc. These few examples of the smallest things can be a mild anxious experience – yet we regard these negative impulses as the norm.
The Collective Trap
Most folks experience social anxiety even at an older age. You know that small feeling of dread right before you enter an apartment where there’s a pre-party. There are new co-workers at your job you need to cooperate with. You start to ask yourself if they will like you. If you are enough. The need to get the group’s acceptance creeps up in your thoughts and feelings like a virus – often at a lightning speed. We are so accustomed to it we take it as a given.
The most bizarre thing about this mentality is that we don’t even know if these new people are even worth your attention and energy. They might be low-value personalities. The truth is most people you will meet are completely average. Not some royalty on a red carpet.
“Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.” – Kamand Kojouri
If you don’t show any fear or insecurity in social spaces such as work and leisure – some people might envy your confidence even try to cut you down. You will meet personalities who live and die with the group. There’s a phenomenon called “Tall-Poppy-Syndrome.” It’s a tendency to discredit individuals who have achieved high status and moved up a station in life.
The truth is there are many personalities out there with low self-esteem which in turn generates jealousy and envy. You need to cultivate a rock-solid inner world and get used to navigating all social aspects in life. Don’t take on the mind virus of the tribe.
Social Media and Entertainment
Social media is a negative element in our modern lives. Facebook, Twitter, and to some degree Instagram – has turned into a political landscape. We love to engage in thrilling debates, to push our own opinion, to win an argument. To find peers with whom we share views and ideas. From what I’ve seen – in the end, its all just a waste of time and energy. It’s no secret that these platforms are designed to get us hooked. I personally use Instagram for inspiration and art.
The industry of video games is a billion-dollar industry and is only growing. There is a number of grown men participating in gaming. 50-year-old gamers, can you imagine that? That’s our reality. When I grew up in the 90s you wouldn’t find a man in their late 20’s spending time in front of the Super Nintendo. Its an indication of how good the creators have become at getting us hooked.
The highest-ranking video games are the ones with the most violence and murder. In other words – the most negative ones, the ones with the most thrilling ups and downs. We should be cultivating positivity, how we can contribute value, mentor, and help one another. Not how to kill.
The Battle For Your Attention
We live in the information age – with that there are new obstacles we have to overcome. That is if you want to escape mediocrity. Most people are hit with 6,000-10,000 ads each day. The majority through handheld devices and computers. If you have read books on marketing you will find there are techniques employed to work on your ego and insecurities. On your feelings of lack and self-worth, not measuring up. Keeping up with the Joneses – and all that other bullshit.
Marketing strategies are designed to both create and feed off of negative thoughts and feelings. If the ads are considered any good they will have you realize there are things you didn’t know you wanted but want now. Ads are designed to continuously mold you into being a consumer, and keeping it that way. You will see these kinds of ads on your average YouTube influencer too.
Energy Drain
What we don’t hear often is the energy drain negativity causes; especially emotional energy. I keep remembering how a friend of mine talked about how his mom looked like she aged 10 years in just a few weeks because she was in court over a money dispute with her ex-husband. If you have ever worked in sales you will have experienced the constant burning of emotional energy leaving you too tired to do anything else after a day’s work.
The constant worrying and anxious states deplete the body of energy. The energy we could channel into productivity, energy which could be used to realize our dreams.
Self Esteem
Again we see the paretos law in action. It is estimated 85% of the population suffers from low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem are said to be driven by fear and anxiety. Have difficulty setting goals for themselves, and if they set goals they are drastically lowered to fit their expectations of what they deserve in life. The goals being set are usually familiar and undemanding. Low self-esteem can even cause us to sabotage our own achievements in the longterm – this is subconscious.
High self-esteem individuals are driven by positive impulses, with a need to explore and challenge themselves. They usually set goals that require them to grow as human beings – goals that will make them evolve in life. The goals are driven by excitement and exploration, not the need to prove their self-worth to themselves or others.
Filling Your Mind
Our minds need nourishment too. But the average joe often fills it with junk food. TV, maybe a few hours in front of the computer or his phone. Reading mindless articles designed to entertain and keep attention rather than provide you with anything worthy of thought. Want to live your life in mediocrity? Then do what most of the population does. Want to become exceptional? Then do what most won’t.
“If you dont program yourself – life will program you” – Les Brown
The single most important thing I have ever done in life is becoming an avid reader, over the months and years of reading non-fiction books your outlook and mind will slowly start to change. You will separate yourself from the herd. You will start to cultivate positive thoughts – become inspired. Reading good books will allow you to have the courage to dream big and actually push you to take steps towards your dreams. Biographies will reveal that we are all cut from the same cloth. What one man can do you can do. These are cliches but nevertheless the truth.
I truly believe that input will determine the output. Start by filling your mind with positive suggestions and reinforcement every day.
If you are not used to reading books – set a timer for say 15 minutes of reading in your bed at night. Work yourself up to 1 hour a day. You will not regret it.
Benjamin Franklin’s Transformation
Mr.Franklin achieved a lot in his life. But it’s not his public victories which should impress you, it was his dedication to self-improvement. I have stressed the importance of reading – well to no surprise he was an avid reader. What’s more interesting if you ask me is that he dedicated himself to transform his qualities as a man.
He dedicated himself to develop 13 virtues. He carried cards with him and focused on developing one virtue for one week at a time. Every time he failed practicing the chosen quality he would note it down in his ledger.
He is not the only one which dedicated himself to moral perfection as he called it. The Samurai had their bushido code. Aristotle had his 12 virtues which he practiced. This is a practice you don’t see that often today.
Old Habits Die Easy
“Learn to subdue, to purify, to order all your thoughts. Fight against all negative thoughts and doubts. Let sublime thoughts come to you from every side. Thoughts of depression, failure, weakness, darkness, doubts, fear etc. are negative thoughts. Cultivate positive thoughts of strength, courage, love, contentment, and cheerfulness. The negative thoughts will disappear. “ – Swami Sivananda
You will simply replace negative emotions with positive ones. This is a 24 hour endeavour, but will slowly change your personality and self-image. All you have to do is ignore negative impulses, do not engage in worry or anxiety about anything. Even the slightest thing. Over time their intensity will diminish. Next step is to replace negatives with positives. Examples could be – will they think im awkward or weird? I am a great person to be around. Am I coming off as creepy? They should be thrilled to get to know me. How am I going to perform today at work? Everything will take care of itself, just do one task at a time. Am I behind on my bills? I have always made it so far, this too will work itself out.
This approach is so simple, it will spread like a positive virus in you, and will start to transform your character. You will start to catch attitudes and behaviors you didnt think you had. Realize we all carry alot of beliefs and values that are not really our own to begin with. They have come from peers and family members. You know the saying – you are the average of the 5 people you hang around with. It is true – so maybe have a look around you to see if you are dealing with negative personalities which you dont need in life. If this approach seems too basic you could have a look at Neuro-Linguistic-Programming which contains strategies to change your inner world.
We have become a narcissistic society, many of us carry around huge egoes about our personalities, success, and achievements. My advice to you is to not take yourself or anything in your life too seriously. Do not let anything in life disturb your inner state. Practice detachment. Work towards your goals and dreams – but know that it might take several tries and a ton of failures before they are realized. Do not attach your inner world to any outcome in life. Master this and you are above the average.
What You Think Is What You Become
Visualization is a common practice among star athletes, but its origins are ancient. It is a common strategy in eastern philosophy. Here is how to do it – imagine yourself in first person as already have achieved the outcome you seek in life. It is mostly used by dreamers who want materialistic things in life, such as a sports car, or a big mansion.
“Sow a thought, you reap an action. Sow an action, you reap a habit. Sow a habit, you reap a character. Sow a character, you reap a destiny.” – Swami Sivananda
What you dont see that often is that it can be used to transform yourself. Set of a few minutes everyday to visualize yourself with the attributes you wish to have. Healthy, confident, funny, strong, powerful, you name it. Visualize it – and in time it will be so.
Conclusion
This became a few words longer than I had anticipated. Be aware of the obstacles in becoming positive. I personally employ the strategies mentioned and can attest that they work. Overcome the initial resistance to work with these techniques and make it a habit. See you at the top.